Shocking title to a blog post… I know.  I would like to write why such a lovely surprise has turned into me feeling guilty.

Too make it fair, each year we take turns spending time with each other’s family, and Christmas just past it was our turn to come to Scotland.  Flashback to November/December 2015, so far I had managed to not bring up any Christmas plans while on the many phone calls with my mum. (This was a huge achievement for me, I can not keep a secret, especially if it’s as big it this one).

The moment had finally come, when she asked what my plans for Christmas were and if I was finally coming home this year.  Now it was time to tell the lie that I had to work over Christmas, because I was new in my job and everyone else had got their holidays in before me.  She was pretty gutted, but understood that it was out of my control.

Fast forward to the day we arrived in Scotland.

The moment of the big reveal happened so quickly, I had been planning all different ways of letting her know I am home for Christmas.  She had been working nightshift the night before, so we didn’t think she was awake and in a panic we just went in the house when we realized she was up…

First she saw her partner, which was shocking enough because he wasn’t due to come home for another 4 hours, then I came round the corner!  Now I have seen several online videos of family members surprising their loved ones and they are so heart warming.  Unlike everyone in the videos.. I got met with a blank stare.  This stare felt like lasted forever, then the penny dropped. I finally got a big tight hug and then the tears started.

We then had fun surprising other family members, most of them doing the same as my mum and just staring and looking away.

In March 2016 we received some crappy family news which fueled my next surprise trip over.

With absolutely no notice, we booked flights over to surprise my Grandad for his birthday.

This time my mum was happy to finally be in on a surprise trip!  This surprise trip was more special than the Christmas surprise.

But after all these surprises, this has made my family weary on birthdays, anniversaries and every other possible celebration.  Almost expecting/hoping I will surprise them by turning up at the parties, this makes me feel so guilty and that I am disappointing them.

I am now receiving more family celebrations invites than ever. Would I love to be able to attend all these parties? Darn right!  Normally I am happy rocking the last flight into Edinburgh on a Friday night and last flight back to Amsterdam, but the last time I was back to Edinburgh, my flight home got cancelled and I missed a day at work.

Now karma is getting back at me for lying to my mum at Christmas, because due to work and the holiday period, I can’t take any holidays until September. Which now means I am missing THREE (and counting) huge celebrations that are all happening within the next few weeks.

The worst part of missing out on these celebrations, is seeing all the pictures afterwards of them altogether. It makes me miss them even more.

I think I need to start taking part of the lottery or find the famous money tree I thought my mum had.

N x